enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
