She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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