thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
