dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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