My first STD was from a foam party
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
