You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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