sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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