my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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