I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
zippers are such a cool invention
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
