I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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