I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
