I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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