if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
