Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
