You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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