Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
