No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
