Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I need a burrito and a hug.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
