I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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