So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
