Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
