RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
