By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
