Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
