Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
