So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
