Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
