Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
