I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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