You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I party with great urgency now.
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