how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
whose parrot is this?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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