I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
