I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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