Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
