I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
