dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
