What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
