So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize