Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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