wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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