anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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