she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
