Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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