Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
