you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
