Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
