I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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