Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
