Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
