I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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