I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
