It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
