i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
