Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Randomize
