I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
