So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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