dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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