I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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