my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.