When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.