For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.