she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
