Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it