Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.