I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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