can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im so drunk with asians
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me