We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"