Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
