I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
