guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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