Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
