I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
