my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
