I CAN MOONWALK!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
