Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
