were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
