the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
