She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Everything about him screamed your future.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
