yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We left the knife in your bed.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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