I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
