If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
