I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
